Destined
by Darla's-Fallen-Angel
Summary: If Spike found a way to become human, would he do it? And would Buffy let him, even if she risked losing him forever.


**Destined**

A/N: My first Buffy fic ever! *is proud* lol.

"It's meant to be" he whispered, his face shrouded in shadows. She shook her head, desperately, frantically. It couldn't be, after all she'd been through, it couldn't end like this. "No Spike" a single tear slipped down her cheek as her whispered words passed her lips. He looked at her, his eyes empty as always, but she could have sworn she'd seen sadness there, longing, regret. She looked again and saw nothing, wondering if she'd made the whole thing up, if it was only she projecting her emotions on him. What did she want him to feel anyway? She told him she loved him, fully and completely. After that how could she just expect him to walk away?

"I love you too" he'd said it right after her, almost as an echo of her own words, distorted somehow, with more emotion in his voice than someone undead should ever have. More emotion ever even then she herself could possibly possess. It was then that she doubted herself, how could he love her so much, and yet they were just words to her. Empty, comforting, but still empty. 

Buffy wondered with everything she'd been through if it was even possible for her to love again. If she wasn't immune, deadened somehow to any semblance of normal emotions she might have ever possessed. "I don't know, Spike" she said slowly, hating the uncertainly in her voice and even more the way he looked at her, with curiosity and depth, as if he was looking in to her very soul. 

She turned away from him then, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples to sooth the dull ache that had started to pound there. "It's your choice" he said softly, a hand placed softly on the small of her back making her feel safe and unsure at the same time. She turned around and sunk into his arms, shoulders shaking with despair as silent tears streamed down her face. "I can't, I just can't do it" she said, despair almost choking her, "Please don't make me choose between your life and one we might have together"

"What life?" he asked bitterly, "I'm dead Buffy, inside and out. You know that. I don't know how I can make that more clear to you" his voice cracked and he stopped speaking briefly before starting again, "My life is with you Buffy, but we just can't make it work this way, we can't, but if I can find a way to make us work, don't you want me to try it? No matter the cost?" 

"Your life, or death, or immortality, whatever you prefer to call it, it's too high a price! Damn it Spike, I'm not going to lose you too!" Buffy screamed, twisting herself out of his arms and turning her back to him, wrapping her arms around herself, a mixture of anger and hurt and the tiniest bit of curiosity coursing through her. What if it did really work? How could a simple potion, made in haste by Spike ever strip his powers and very immortality it self, was it really possible to make him…human?

Buffy wiped her eyes and looked back at him, "I just don't want to lose you" she said with less conviction in her voice this time. "I won't decide this for you" she said again sternly, "But…if you decide this for yourself I won't stop you" she added. Buffy closed her eyes and smiled slightly as she felt his strong arms encircle her thin body, his chin resting on her small shoulder, "Thank you" he told her.

Buffy turned around in his arms to face him, hugging him tightly and standing on tiptoe to kiss him. She closed her eyes and tried to savor it, this feeling of being in his arms; she was very aware that this might very well be the last time she was ever in his arms. 

When they pulled away Buffy looked at the floor and made herself take a step back, without meeting his eyes she said, "Drink it" Spike nodded, the cocky grin that was always spread across his face was now gone and for the first time Buffy could ever remember he looked almost afraid as he uncorked the small glass vial in his hand and tipped it to his lips, downing the bitter liquid in one swallow. 

Agony contorted Spike's chiseled features and he sunk to his knees, a low guttural moan coming from his lips. He clutched his stomach and moaned again. "Spike!" Buffy screamed, rushing to him only to be pushed away by his hand. "Spike" Buffy said again, watching with eyes wide as he dissolved to dust, a telltale sign of a vanquished vampire. 

Buffy waited and watched, but nothing happened, the pile of ash lay motionless on the floor, all that used to be of the man that was just standing before her only moments before. It was then that Buffy realized that she really did love him, with everything she had. But it was too late, she'd found her soul mate and now he was gone. Gut-wrenching sobs came from Buffy as she doubled over and sobbed for her lost love. 

"Hey, hey, hey" Spikes soft voice whispered in her ear, arms wrapping around her again. "I'm okay" he said, pulling Buffy to her feet and wiping the tears out of her eyes and kissing her. "In fact, I'm better than okay. I'm human" he said. Buffy looked up at him, her eyes filled with questions, "What? How?" she asked. Spike smiled, "I told you the potion would work, it just took me a little while to become human" he said, lifting her chin so she met his eyes evenly and glanced back at the pile of ash that was all that was left of his former vampire self. Buffy's breath caught in her throat as she looked at him, there was a twinkle in his eyes and a flush in his skin. "You're really…alive" Buffy whispered, placing her head to his chest, feeling for the first time, the steady beat of his heart through his shirt. 

"I love you" Buffy told him, and this time she didn't doubt her words when his echoed effortlessly after. She knew for the first time that she was truly safe in his arms and they would be together forever…it was destined. 

The end. 


End file.
